


the ferret faced fink

by Anonymous



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Gratuitous kink without plot, Humiliation, Minor religious doubt, Submissive Character, Unreliable Narrator, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 08:45:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20850671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: there's ...tension, between what Franklikes, and the Man he most certainly. Ought To Be.Keeping that hidden isn't helped by the antics of one B.F. Pierce, either...





	the ferret faced fink

**Author's Note:**

> <strike>my preposterous thing for trash men secretly getting off on being [soft]dommed and/or kinda humiliated</strike>

Margaret takes an abrupt change in topic, from reassuring him "Yes, you're a responsible major" to what is probably a self-pitying turn. "You know, you really aren't a very considerate man, Frank Burns." 

And Frank's dick takes notice. Such as it has always been. A man such as he _ought_ to be _successful._ In command. A dozen other adjectives he probably pulled from a boy scout manual at some point, but the memory is lost in the recesses of childhood. He does not _want_ to be henpecked, he does not want to be a cheater, he does not want to be under the command of a damn _woman_, but, he's always said--or rather, _thought_, if that was what it it takes to be successful and in command and all that, he'll take it. He's willing. 

He is beginning to suspect that is not the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth; so _help him_, whatever higher power might be up there. He ought to say "God", he supposes, but some _Jewish_ fellow had taken special care not to write the word out in full, and he's also begun, terrible as it is, to doubt there's a god out there when the choppers bring such gravely injured men regularly... 

Even so, he has to be a fighter. Be a _man_. 

He tells himself that behind every successful man is a good woman, that Margaret's encouragement is something that will help propel him up the career ladder. He tries to ignore the fact that he occasionally, whiningly, feels compelled to reciprocate, because Hot Lips Houlihan is not only "hot" and desirable, she actually is quite competent, and well, that's probably how friendship works? 

He _is_ worried about Louise cheating. He has to be. He's also worried that some guy at the country club or something (_not_ that he is Henry Blake!) would get some notion of how she has a tendency to be dictatorial and even (he swallows hard) dominant. That she found out early on that his body, at least, responds in what has to be an absolutely bizarre way to derogatory comments. Getting turned on (_by shame_, his treacherous brain whispers)--well, no, it's probably one of those conversion disorder things, and maybe he had some wacked up stuff done to him as a kid and that's why his sexual functioning is a little ..._off_, but he _isn't_ a pervert, dammit!

* * *

"Frank Burns," says Hawkeye's unmistakable voice over the camp loudspeaker, "is a rat-faced fink. He refused to take his fellow surgeons' expert advice under advisement, and he improperly commanded the camp chef to discard yet another crate of so-called food, that, much to our collective chagrin, is most of our food for this week. And if that weren't all, he has conspired to interfere with the requisition of important medical equipment." 

He ought to want to sink into the ground, and he's enough of a proper man that some anger does arise _how dare he, a captain insult a MAJOR?_ but a part of him uncomfortably reminiscent of Captain Hawkeye Pierce says: one, Pierce is absolutely right, even if he had had (flimsy in retrospect) reasons at the time and two, he _isn't_ a homosexual, and he thinks Pierce is friendly enough about them and probably willing to engage in the... in sodomy even though he has an undeniable interest in the nurses--but all told, really, the point is that he, not willingly, imagines Pierce shoving him to his knees and sticking his cock in Frank's face. (Like he'd seen a bully do in high school, like he had been threatened with--not that he's ever done that, because it isn't ..._Christian_ either) He can hear his tent mate saying "Well, go on Frank, we all knew you were a kiss ass," and even wiggling those ...not unshapely buttocks (_no, Frank Burns **most certainly does not** look at other men in the shower, but some of Captain Pierce's trousers **really show off his**... butt_) at him.

Dammit, why is _he_, Major Frank Burns, willing victim of henpecking; doubter of holy truths; cowardly patriot; faithless husband who goes to wonderful, encouraging, _in command_ Margaret Houlihan on the side ...having a fantasy about another man (and make no mistake, Pierce IS a man) humiliating and insulting him further? 

Well...the answer to that might be in the question, itself, in all those appelations marking him as far from the apotheosis of the sex...


End file.
